No lifetime people Anonymous 113228
It’s been coming up more that I just have…no one to really talk to. The internet and colleagues are great for directed conversations about specific topics, which is all you need most of the time. But if something good happens or I’m proud, or something bad happens, there’s…nobody. For normal people even if they don’t have friends or a therapist or a fucker they have family. Or if they don’t have family they have old, old friends. They have “lifetime people”. Even if they haven’t talked in years, if they really need to they have someone that knows them. There’s no replicating this if you missed the various dice rolls to get lifetime people. By late 20s/early 30s, it’s done. Everyone you build a relationship already has lifetime people, and those lifetime people will always be more real to them than you. You are just an episodic person for them, relatively speaking. There are little support forums where someone will essentially roleplay as one of your lifetime people, but that’s like eating wax fruit. There’s no fixing it. There’s nothing and no one. Forever.
Anonymous 113229
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It's hard to make friends in the city. In the rural countryside it's more friendly and wholesome. You have nice communities with potlucks, farmers markets and hobby groups.
Anonymous 113232
>>113229It’s not about friends. I could make a hundred good friends tomorrow and it wouldn’t matter for this. They all already have lifetime people.
Anonymous 113240
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>>113232You could adopt a few children and try building a family bond with them
Anonymous 113241
Due to some recent events I've started to realize that I really don't know how to define what a friend is and I don't think I've ever had something like a friend in my life. I am friendly, but would I want to call anyone I've been with as a friend? I really don't know.
What the fuck even is a friend anyway?
Anonymous 113253
I think you are underestimating old people. You could meet your lifetime people in your 40s or 50s and get at least a solid couple decades of friendship out of it.
Anonymous 113257
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>>113228Honest to God the worst part of loneliness is the bitter tunnel vision we get out of it. The human brain isn't meant for isolation. We get really stuck and stubborn only affirming the strictness of our beliefs and biases. Trust that although your pain is very real for how you've seemingly "missed the bus" at different life stages, that there are options that are out there that will surprise you in the best way. You don't have to believe it, you just have to do more. That's the trouble with it, you tell yourself it's some circumstantial or existential problem out of your control, deadline's already passed, because that's easier than saying "I could try something new to get a different result/test my theory".
There's another bus coming, nona.
Anonymous 113258
>>113257I really like Hopper's art. For me it evokes peace, rather than loneliness, for some reason.
Anonymous 113262
>>113229In my experience, no. I live rural and everyone here is 40+ boomers and they live miles away. Growing up, I had not one friend. I commute to the city for work now and have a much easier time making friends.
Anonymous 113296
>>113257I feel the exact same way as OP. Sure you can claim that it might not be completely hopeless, but that's just not what I'm experiencing. So where should people like us even begin to search for these 'lifetime people' that somehow we missed finding the first time? What are the steps? I swear it's not for a lack of trying. I have tried so many times to get involved with all kinds of groups and individuals both online and off. While it's not so difficult to find an acquaintance who will act friendly once or twice, they couldn't care less about actually getting to know me as a person, and regardless of if they show any actual interest they just end up ghosting me everytime. I just want people I can feel comfortable around. Who skip the small talk nonsense and can enjoy an honest discussion of interests and opinions with. Someone who you can randomly message eachother anytime and discuss your personal lives and thoughts and they are willing to listen. Why is it so impossible to find this situation? It just seems to me like after you're an adult, people stop trying to get to know or care about others. It's as if true friendship is a childhood thing reserved for the lucky few, and I've started to consider that it may possibly be just a fictional concept in general.
