/feels/ - Advice & Venting

Come here, wayward souls, for any matter big and small. Insight to comfort can be found here for your issues or conundrums.

Today I met my internet friend irl and we ate fast food. I couldn't say a word that he could hear due to my voice being too quiet, he told me that I was very shaking and I had odd mannerism and that I was more "autistic" than he thought. And that I was damn shy. How I could be more normal?

Before I thought that I am the way that I am because of what happened to me throughout my life. I am a “product of circumstances” outside of my control but my reality is that I was born this way. From the very beginning I was wired in a way that would shape all my experiences differently than most

That doesn't bother me as much. I can live with it. I can live with the strangely timed misfortunes that seem to follow me and still be happy. I internalize everything that happens to me and besides the occasional spell of self imposed isolation you wouldn't know anything was bothering me. I'm more bothered by the fact that no one ever wanted me around- I don't even know why I'm speaking in past tense, I'm stuck here- my entire life.

I've never been wanted.

My parents didn't want me. None of my friends or partners ever wanted me for long. Every single person I meet no matter the relationship or experiences, regardless of everything I do for them. They want me gone.

For awhile I tried, half heartedly, to disappear completely. still theres no such thing as a clean break.

No one enjoys my company. No one has ever loved me. And I love everyone Ive ever known. I frequently fantasize about someone suffocating me to death. I just wish that someone hated me enough to do it instead of just waiting till I go away on my own. But I'm still here. Separated, injured, but still here.

I ask, bewildered, “I don't know what I've done?” But I know exactly what I've done, I know exactly who I am. I know exactly how unlovable I am.

How to you cope with being ugly?

I am not super ugly (or I like to believe so) but I am not beautiful at all. I know this based how people act around me and by simply looking at the mirror. I have no talent to do make up and my skin is very sensitive so this is not the way I can cope with my face.

How to stop seeking for moids attention?
I was a very ugly and insecure teen, and this led me to create complexes about my appearance and personality.
I feel a little better now.
The problem is that I still have this urge to receive male attention and validation, even though I'm in a good relationship now.
That includes toxic habits like following my ex on social media just to try to show him that I'm better now (I feel really bad about that tho)

i look like a moid. my body is masculine, my face is ugly, my frame is wild and big. i have no femininity left. my whole high school people thought i was guy despite wearing neutral clothing and having long hair. this is making me suicidal, i look moid but i am woman. when i put feminine clothing i look like crossdresser, i am so repulsive, it is making me suicidal. idk how long i can take this anymore. i am ugly moid like woman no matter what i do. i am not even super tall or have big feet or whatever it is my overall looks. i look like ugly incel. why God did this to me?

First day at school at 12: I got introduced to a popular rapist who raped my classmate the summer of the same year. He stared me down then drove away then bullied me whole year. These kids in school were having sex, using the girls with more developed breasts as a meat and the girls also dated 20 year olds, smoked weed in the forest around the school, did drugs, drank etc. The bullying happened from multiple people and the main theme of it was porn and sexual comments. People who say that American high school movies are just a fantasy are wrong cause at this age all of the shit that happens in the movies happened but adults don't give a fuck cause from outside it all looks like it's just children playing and to 12-15 year olds time passes slower cause they lived less than older humans so we have gone through this super mature phase at that age more adulty than we will ever be but to adults we looked like little children and nobody noticed their secret world… Why… At this age humans do the most vileee bullying. In my country once in a while there's a video circulating of moids and there's always some 13yo thot with them and they are beating up and taunting another child lol one of these thots that always hang out with the beaters had condoms in her instagram and pictures of her sitting on her boyfriend's body with her boobs out. She called herself a whore while being only 13

A woman I know at work was casually telling the story of how she was raped on her 21st birthday and got pregnant and is still with the guy and had multiple kids. With him. Should I convince her to leave her shitty life ruining husband? Is there any way to?

What are ur fitness goals?

I'm trying to work off a few lbs lol

i never really understood why people are so concerned with the concept of societies getting older.
in my opinion, i think people conflate their fear of stagnation and resource depletion with their fear of a society's population base getting older. additionally, people probably tend to over romanticize their youth because it's more clear what the goal is when you're young: finishing your education and obtaining security, namely through getting a career and living situation.
but if everyone lived their life in that manner, we would eventually come to a point where there's not enough resources to secure. like affordable housing and water, for example.
i think people should start reframing their mindset of what life post education should look like. once you've obtained some level of "security," you should also start being concerned with securing resources for future generations, so that life on earth may sustain itself. things like asteroid mining and ecological research (people should be more into gardening kek) could contribute to that. that's probably why games like minecraft and stardew valley are so fun–resource accumulation is fun, and it's hard not to be increasingly concerned with the long-term sustainability of our way of life. lakes receding, droughts becoming more common, wildlife disappearing… things like that are honestly more scary to me than society getting "older."
i don't really know why i felt compelled to post this. do you guys feel similarly? i went on a ramble but i just meant about the world getting older in general. and what the purpose of life should be once you're out of school i guess