/feels/ - Advice & Venting

I don't think you're delusional. Seperating from someone is hard. Having a future you imagined with someone disappear is hard. Don't kill yourself, it'll get better.

Mad late, but have you considered maybe being satisifed just being friends with her? If life sucks without her, trying reconciling that you two aren't compatible as lovers. Just because it didn't work out in the romance dept doesn't mean you two shouldn't be friends. Of course your milage may vary when it comes to this option, but maybe its worth looking into. I sincerely hope you haven't offed yourself; you have unlimited amounts of potential even if you dont see it in yourself yet

Can relate to the finding what felt like perfect love to realizing no amount of wishing can ever make our values align. I kept hoping they'd just change their attitude a little for the better and one day see true value in our connection, though this never works when they don't experience the same need.
One must spend a while sitting with the emptiness to know the love we were capable of sharing really had little to do with that other person, as it flows out from within the river of self-love which makes it all possible.

>>112680
Chad and Stacy are incel memes. Chad is who they wish they were, Stacy is the woman they wish they had.

>>112681
cute men >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> gigachad
cute women >>>>>>>>>>>>>> gigastacy
normals just dont like things that actually make them feel something

Boyfriend called me a bitch for the last time. I literally just look at him with disgust. Can't wait until the lease is up and I can move out.

>>112723
call him a faggot

I don’t usually oust my religiosity on teh forumz, but i feel like venting in a kooky fashion

Last year i was in a short distance mutual-affection-disguised-in-platonic-label-turned-long-distance-talking-stage. Distance must have played a role, but my feelings were slowly tapering off once i was coming to the conclusion that we had different mutually unfulfilled needs. Obviously i recognize that i was very very emotionally immature at the time, to the point where i interpreted the pain of my anxious attachment as love. Once i confessed to him that i was beginning to fall in love with him, (he had always made it clear that he loved me and had never felt this way about anyone else), he replied that he wasn’t sure that was such a good idea and that he didn’t feel like he was much deserving of love and that our then situation was not ideal (we didn’t know if we would reunite in the same country etc). Even typing this now i feel rage bubble inside me because i had held him at arm’s length for the longest time from fear that he would hurt me and when i allowed myself to be vulnerable and tell him that i loved him he took that moment away from me. I don’t know why this episode makes me so intensely angry/resentful and bitter because it’s literally nothing, like i know people who’ve been through worse. So why am i so hypersensitive. I can tell a million other anecdotes. The one word i can use to describe what we had is tepid, fucking lukewarm, moderate. I never thought i was the kind of person who could be passionate about someone, i mean i’ve never longed for romance and love, but good god the kind of liaison you build on “logic” and “reason” and “mutual understanding” is so fucking underwhelming and disappointing and i can’t help but feel small and ridiculous for inexplicably longing for passion when i don’t even have the countenance to love with unabashed abandon and always feel the need to police my emotions.

Anyways, there once was q point where i felt so very comfortable with this moid and even aired out my host of insecurities, and around the time where that anecdote occurred, i would pray “if this thing isn’t meant to happen and if there’s no shred of goodness in it, God let me know.” There came a point after that where even if i wanted to feel something, id reach inside and feel nothing towards him. He continued the tug and push dance up until this year, and at one point i had to shoot him down, almost cruelly but not even as cPost too long. Click here to view the full text.

They're laughing at you because you looked like a bum. Did you look like a bum Nona? Sometimes it helps to know.

>>111153
That cat has a strong bone structure and fine whiskers, it would definitely be a chad if it were human.

>>111153
that cat looks like a fucking troon

>>111186
how?

>>110596
Should've sat in front of them, looked at them picked your nose and flick it at them.

Fuck them

Congrats for being brave, I hope you can keep developing that trust and he is a man of his word.

just apologize and never talk to him again. no one deserves to go through a relationship born from lies, it's a bad start.

>>112584
No, keep talking to him, op..ignore what she said. Your relationship isn't born from lies, you came clean so now it's born from genuineness and maybe vulnerability but a chance to do better. So take it and do better. He wants you to improve, let that be your motivation

>>112546
Saged, this doesn't deserve a new thread, just reply to your old one.

Don't listen to the disgusting crabs in a bucket. I'm happy for you and hope that this is a start of something very beautiful for the two of you. You're deserving of someone who loves you for who you really are and can give you the companionship you need

>>112493
im not the poster but heres my story, i lost my job i had for a long time (i was proud of my job) and my roommates were absolutely horrible like worst of the worst, i then had to move back with relatives, my gf broke up with me and i really didnt want to do anything at all i was super duper depressed ontop of normal super duper depression, i thought the same thing at one point then it happened to me.

it sounds kinda gay im not trying to vent im trying to explain the situation that created the fatalistic seditary mindset.

as for the poster, your friends and family love you, relationships are a 2 way street, make sure they know you want space and dont keep them on the back burner, even if its cringe you have to explain it maybe they have some insight.

you are the prisoner and the jailor, as for loneliness i will branch out of topic and say that personally ive found the best way to deal with it is to accept the reality that lots of people die alone, in the cemetary there are "single" plots places where people die and they do not have a significant other, it is not sad it is not unhealthy, it is reality, you will probably die alone, will you be with someone for a while? maybe; what you can do is look, that might change things for a while, and while your looking might as well try and not be shitty, boring, or horrid as a person not for someone else but yourself because youre the one thats going into the ground eventually, and youre going to have to live with yourself up until that point.


let the dead bury the dead

You never get over the lost of a loved one. You just learn to live with it.

>>112510
That's not true. Time makes memories fuzzy, softens emotions until eventually you're fine again.

I'm in the same position after losing my husband and unborn children. Really really really hope I die very soon. I have no advice, it's fucking awful.

>>112468
>No matter how sad or angry you are, it's not going to bring this person back.
>This person would want you to be happy and move on, not let the sadness destroy your life. Move on for them, no reason to feel guilty about it either since it's what they would want.
>Everyone dies eventually, so you have to learn to be strong and live on your own, both for your own sake and to support others. You can become what that person was to you, for someone else.
Some things I tell myself. Most of the people who supported me growing up are gone now, so I don't have much of a choice. It's either kms or learn to be strong on my own, and I chose not to kms no matter what because it's not what they would have wanted.

what are you trying to hide OP?

>>112571
He’s a nice boy and stuff like that but I need a little space…. Like no one needs to know anyone that well. I like to have pieces of myself just for me. That’s why I post on anonymous boards. The only social Esq media he can’t stalk is my Reddit and who tf wants to exclusively use Reddit
>>112572
Uhhh nothing… I like to have personal space both in person and online. My social media is my outlet. I don’t want someone to stalk what I like on tumblr. I think that’s pretty fair. It’s like intruding on my personal identity and not letting me have my own space

>>112574
did you try actually talking to him about it?

>>112576
Ehh I don’t wanna hurt his feelings and it seems like somthing I shouldn’t be upset about

>>112578
This is how you poison a relationship. If it's upsetting you then it's worth bringing up, you shouldn't compromise and settle with behaviours you're not comfortable with. If you don't do anything about this you don't deserve our sympathy. He either needs to get better or to need to let him go, I'm sick and tired of seeing countless nonas on CC tolerate toxic moid behavior and then complaining abour it. You are denying yourself agency and letting the moid emotionally dictate this relationship.

>>112323
Thanks for this nona I’ll try do something similar to organise myself but I think my lifestyle is more arbitrary and I tend to have an aversion to strict schedules, maybe this is what I need tho. And yeah I did mean 10-12 hours a day, I feel likethat it’s what I need to do or at least aim to do in order to catch up, I don’t think there is any other solution at the point I’m at.

Also, can I ask what you do in the 5 minute periods of the Pomodoro technique?

>>112326
Aw well maybe it helps someone else in this thread!

>can I ask what you do in the 5 minute periods of the Pomodoro technique?
I think they recommend you to actively walk away from the screen to do something else for a bit, but I find 5 minutes to be too short for that. So I usually read a book, play with my cats for a bit or write in my journal. Sometimes I browse but I try not to do that.

>>112087
>I am not even studying like I should be
Why are you in university if you don't care about your field?
>I do care about my field
Ok then your university degree is denying you an education, not uncommon. Where is the gun to your head telling you you're not allowed to read outside of course material
>I have too many assessments
So you spend your whole time outside of class working on assessment?
>No actually, I procrastinate too much by watching people who are better than me on youtube
They're not better than you. The people who are better than us are all dead. If you spent that time reading outside course material you could be good enough to fool your current self into thinking you're smart (NB: this is a trap, you only ever get dumber by reading, but in a good way)
>But I don't do that
Why not? It's engaging to learn about things that interest you, pick up a book
>I have
Was it published in the last 20 years? If yes, put it down. Go to your university library instead and read the old books that have a bunch of stamps from when they used to be read all the time - universities used to be quality institutions so it's pretty likely that the popular book in 1970 was popular by merit.
>I can't find the energy to do that
You can either be the cool grandma or the infuriating grandma, but you have to make that choice now, and by now I mean within the next 5 years. You've fallen for the ennui of our time, and you have to snap out of it.

>>112353
i'm not in uni yet, i have my final exam soon which decides if i get into uni or not and thats what is stressing me out right now. im not passionate about what i have applied to study for but it at least interests me and has good job prospects for the future, i do have my worries about the prestige of the institution i will attend and how that will matter/affect me.

>No actually, I procrastinate too much by watching people who are better than me on youtube
They're not better than you. The people who are better than us are all dead.

can you elaborate? i know that no one is genuinely better than anyone else but these people have a lot more to be proud of in their lives and i want to be like that too but it feels hopeless or like im too late.

>You've fallen for the ennui of our time, and you have to snap out of it.

you are right nona, and i do appreciate your response it is triggering but very constructive also. i made the op 4 days ago and since then i have been more productive than what my past months lump of existence has been but still not where i want and need to be.

>>112321
Yeah good luck nona. If you can get that much going, you'll at least be able to go about your days without hating everything about your life including your job. I'll take self-dissatisfaction and a feeling of missed potential any day over constant stress, poverty, and no way to escape.

Of course I only really have myself to blame for said dissatisfaction - and so I do. But it's certainly a starting place.

>>112326
You know I always hated schedules too and never did pomodoro but looking back it would probably have been helpful for actually getting things done better. Nothing feels better than the rare days where I finish my obligations so my free time is actually FREE, without being eaten away by constant remorse over things I should have done or even should be doing.
And the idea of just timeblocking some work time, short enough that it's easy to just focus on "getting through it" till the next break without trying to cheat by whiling away the time - that sounds like a fantastic tool to give yourself peace of mind, AND also get things done in the process because you're using that time to ACTUALLY work.
Shit, I should try out doing that nowadays even, it might help me in my job honestly.

Taking a walk and stretching during your break is probably best from a physiological perspective, keep the blood flowing and relax your eyes from staring at the screen. Maybe having something interesting to thinker with (still outside the screen) would be good - a puzzle you want to finish so spend a couple minutes laying out the pieces, some handicraft project you tinker with a bit to make a small bit of progress. Or grab a slice of apple and a glass of water.

Sincerely wish you the best of luck in getting back on track, nona. Sounds like you really need to focus on these next couple of months, maybe even to the detriment of enjoying life (in a way that wouldn't be sustainable long-term), which definitely isn't ideal - but if you pull through then it will be worth it.

There are a lot of things to consider based off of what you said. Do you think you are asexual or was there something in your life that made you hate sex? Does your boyfriend's treatment of you during sex make you feel objectified? Or would you feel that way no matter how the act was approached? I think there is a significant amount of people who feel the same, I've felt the same in certain relationships, but I've never hated sex overall. I'm sorry for your predicament. It is going to be incredibly difficult to avoid sex while dating a man, especially in our culture. I hope things get better for you and your relationship.

If you dont want to have sex with him, break up with him. He will eventually break up with you anyway. Would you stay in a relationship where your moid never talks to you? You can't just remove one if the basic pillars of a romantic relationship and still call it that. You're just friends

Was random browing old posts and this one relates so much I wondered if anyone had advice for me. I've been thinking pretty much my whole life I'm probably asexual or something. For reference I'm in my 30s, been married over a decade living together, and I really don't want to ruin what we have because of this. I don't seem to view sex like most people, it's not like some moral thing, it's partly because I have some abnormally strong sense of disgust as in hating germs. Also I just seem unable to find people physically attractive and lack any urge to fantasize about nudity or sex. I don't even watch porn because of those reasons. So you can get the idea what kind of weirdo I am. I never cared for penetrative sex, I've done it a bunch anyway because that is what's to be expected in a marriage. I used to be able to tolerate it better but over the years it's gone from feeling like nothing to feeling uncomfortable or painful so I started agreeing to have sex much less often. I've tried explaining my reasons but he doesn't understand. I've felt happier with less sex. And things seem fine other than that. Despite not liking sex I've always been romantic, maybe not too differently from most women, I love cuddling and being close and we share physical affection like that everyday. I love who he is as a person and I enjoy our time together having fun with activities that are not sex. But sex is clearly much more important to him than it is to me. It's been over 2 months now since the last time we had sex and he's started asking for it nearly everyday. I feel guilty like I'm not doing something I'm supposed to, when he is always doing nice things for me and spending so much time together. I also believe he's not the type to cheat but I don't want to push it. Question is, do I keep doing stuff I don't want to do to maintain my relationship, or at any point could it become ok to stay selfish and keep refusing? Maybe a better question, is there any way I can learn to want and like sex like a normal person?

I honestly feel like this "matching sex drive" shit is just a psyop.

I went into my first relationship HYPED for sex because I thought it'd be like flicking the bean but intense and romantic. But sex with moids is just so bad that my """sex drive""" plummeted to zero. When we moved apart I got my healthy libido back since I wasn't constantly turned off by his presence and the idea of involving him in anything sexual, which always made me feel insufficient and dirty and used on many levels.

For years, the only reason I fucked him was because I thought it might keep him from cheating.

>>111975
Are you taking antidepressants and birth control? Both of those kill sex drives. I personally believe they are a deliberate means of population control. But regardless, get off those and see how you feel. Because not wanting sex is not normal and you should be able to meet somewhere in the middle if your hormones are at the proper levels. Moids still have a higher sex drive but it's not that great a gap if your hormones are at normal levels.

>>111539
Discord dating servers
Just make sure that any man you date can afford a plane ticket and lodging to your city. Best moids for this are those who autists that live with mummy

>>111543
t. racist moid

I concede one technicality, if he is a social pariah there is less competition. However.. if he is racist because he is terminally online, as opposed to being a genuine southern boy raised different, then it is a red flag, and in the latter case you will want to fix him. So you are incorrect.

>>111572
OP needs bf and that’ll give her bf. I see no problem with the logic of going for someone who’s otherwise undesirable. Should OP date a loser? No. But will they date OP? Yeah probably.

Frankly any partner attained due to desperation isn’t gonna be that great but only experience will teach her that.

>>111579
>But will they date OP?
Doubt it. A terminally online racist is likely an incel and they are in fact very judgmental, they expect women to look like their favorite porno stars and celebrities and get very horny and angry when they approach women above their league and get rejected. They're a mess.

no you DONT need a bf bfs are trash